Marriage researchers have found that compassionate spouses have longer and more supportive marriages. But to be a compassionate spouse, you need more than love. We dish out some marriage advice from certified life coach Rick Clemons.
Flowers, candy and back rubs are all great gifts to give to your spouse, but if you don’t bring the compassion into play, you’re only doing half of the job in a marriage. So what does compassion really mean? Here are 16 tips on how you can be a little more compassionate with your partner. Who knows, it might bring you more joy, happiness, and perhaps, even more… mind-blowing activities in bed.
- Ask your spouse what compassion means to them
Just as you communicate about sexual desires, you should communicate about compassion: “A little to the left please, honey!”
- Your needs versus theirs
This is the assumptive “compassion” rule. Just because your definition of compassion is “X”, doesn’t mean it’s theirs.
- Admit that you’re wrong
Swallowing your pride, seeing your screw-ups, and being willing to say “I’m wrong” is one of the most compassionate things you can do.
- The power of touch does wonders
Touch your spouse, and let them feel your presence without saying a word.
- And on that note, listen up and shut up
Oh, we humans always have to have our voices heard. But being compassionate is about being there for someone else.
- Never ever say, “I understand”.
Chances are, you do not completely understand. Instead, say, “Tell me more about how you’re feeling.”
- Stop prying
If your spouse doesn’t want to talk, then give them space.
- Examine your motives
Are you being compassionate out of expectations of return, or because you truly care?
- Let go of expectations
Instead, compassionately accept what happens spontaneously.
- Golden rule time
Are you doing this because of the adage, “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you?”
- Have some fun
Since compassion can be such a serious subject, a little laughter might be just what you need. Think about it – laughter is the best medicine!
- Put yourself first, but don’t be selfish enough to step aside
If you become bent on “Me, me, me”, you’ll lose sight of what’s important.
- Trust your instincts
If you feel that your husband or wife is in need of some deeper compassion, go for it. It feels good to be cared for without asking.
- Try a new position
No, not sexually, but from a different emotional angle. “How are you feeling?” is about as exciting as “For tonight’s dinner, we’re having whole shrimp wonton… again.”
- Space is necessary
One of the most compassionate things we can do is to give each other space to not be coddled, held, and doted over. Some situations call for physical or emotional smothering, while others don’t. Respect it and let the space be available.
- Never ever forget that compassion is ever changing
Just like anything else in a relationship, it’s all dependent on the moment.
What are some other ways to be more compassionate? Share with us your ideas below.