There is no doubt that being a parent is one of life’s greatest joy, but there are also instances where baby can sometimes bring unexpected turbulence to your love life. With new roles, expectations and duties, there will be added pressures and stressors that can cause moodiness and miscommunication. When these happen, it is better to surface the issues and talk than ignore and walk away. Don’t sweep things under the carpet for it will build up and haunt you when the going gets tough or when you can no longer contain and hold up the stress within.
Also, it is important to understand that baby (frankly) isn’t exactly the issue. As reported by Dr Carolyn Pape Cowan and Dr Philip A. Cowan in their 15 years of research on couples in distress, the ‘seeds of new parents’ individual and marital problems are sown long before baby arrives. Becoming parents does not so much raise new problems as bring old unresolved issues to the surface’. Love after baby requires understanding and a lot of planning since time is a luxury. Follow our tips below to keep your marriage intact and strong.
- Plan and Prioritise
It’s time to ditch the mobile, e-mails, and social media status updates! Prioritise your sacred (and limited) time and dedicate it to your spouse. Schedule in dinner dates and if you can’t, order in and make time for home movie (after the kids are asleep). Don’t
feel guilty for not making dinner or cleaning up once in a while because clothes and dishes can wait. Dim the lights and cosy up – plus, it’s a great ‘hint’ to send for some extra night activity.
- Connect Emotionally
Real lovers know this; you don’t need to hit the G-spot to feel loved and sexual connection isn’t the only way of demonstrating love as a couple. Remember how you first held your spouse’s (then boyfriend or girlfriend) hands, the first touch or kiss? In fact, simple gestures of a loving hug, a massage or even just lying in each other’s arms is a great way to reconnect after a long day of work (and putting the kids to bed).
- Communication Is Key
You have to work on keeping the passion alive by working on the primary foundation of any relationship; communication. Bad or lack of communication will spell disaster in a marriage, let alone transition periods of welcoming a new baby or juggling parenthood, career and other family commitments. Tell your spouse how you feel, what problems you are facing and say words of encouragement and affirmation. No one is a mind reader.
- Occasional Sexless Periods Are Normal
Be pleasantly surprised to hear this – occasional sexless periods are part and parcel of married life. Even if you are not doing “it”, it does not mean that you have ran into marital problems or your other half has lost interest in you. A dry spell could just mean that you are tired – sleep deprivation is making you crave sleep more than spine-tingling sex.
- Keep Bedroom Sacred
With the new arrival, don’t be surprised that your love nest may become a nestling zone even if you have a nursery. You may end up feeding your little one on the bed, doing diaper change and even napping with your baby on the bed. Getting intimate in the same space may not be as romantic as before. Make subtle changes to the room – change the bedsheets and add some new cushions. Or for ad added romantic touch, light up candles and throw petals over your bed to hype up the mood.
- Relationship Band Aids
Take time off – go for a staycation or a short weekend trip if time, finances and extra babysitting help allows. Surprise your other half with something both of you used to indulge in when you were dating. Don’t underestimate the power of a quick respite or a short walk down memory lane! It’s not only therapeutic, it’s also great for rejuvenating both of you and recreating beautiful shared memories.
What are some other ways to bond and spend time with your other half? Leave a comment down below.