Though you may have more diapers than diamonds, more early mornings than date nights, the thing to remember is that your world is not only about your kids. It’s time to put your partner and romance on the front burner.
You’re not neglecting your kids if you put your marriage first. “It’s a myth that the more attention we give our kids, they better they’ll turn out,” says David Code, family coach and author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put your Marriage First.
Putting your spouse first will create a trio of positive outcomes – your marriage will improve, your children won’t suffer from over-parenting, and your kids will learn positive relationship skills.
- Make small gestures
Put reminders in your mobile phone’s calendar to periodically surprise your spouse with small gifts or activities to let them know you’re thinking of them. But remember, just because you’d appreciate a certain gesture, that doesn’t mean your spouse would want the same – so be sure to choose something they really like.
- Take a sunny day
Play butler, maid or servant to your partner. Take care of items on their to-do list while they have breakfast in bed. Nothing puts you in a better mood than having someone special tend to your needs.
- Maintain a family calendar
Ensure that your obligations are organised and in sync with each other. A couple with new additions needs to set aside family time, alone time and couple time as this creates boundaries and a sense of unity.
- Schedule sometime together
You schedule everything else that’s important, but why not time for your beloved? Time alone together is just as vital now as it was back in the day.
- Create intimate moments
Intimacy is the art of making your partner feel understood and accepted. When this feeling is created, barriers fall. A gentle touch, eye contact or a quick hug can create an intimate, loving atmosphere in an instant, especially when times are hard.
- Never stop courting each other
Write notes, send texts, cook together, compliment each other – do the things you did before having kids. Make a fuss over your partner they way you used to. Flirting with your spouse may add that little spark back to your marriage – try it!
- Talk it out
Regardless of how long you’ve been married, your husband cannot read your mind – don’t expect him to. Instead of nagging at him, ask him to put the dishes in the dishwasher or fold the clothes. He’ll appreciate you being assertive. Real relationships require real communication.
- Create and celebrate
Life isn’t on hold because you have children. Create plans together and make your dreams come true. When your children see you supporting each other to attain life goals, they in turn will support their siblings – and down the road – their future spouse.
Enjoy this moment of your life together! Remember, the kids are a token of your love, so be sure to keep that flame burning always!