The demands of marriage and parenthood can put our matrimonial vows to the test. According to many surveys, including one done by Dr Jessica Leong, vice-president of Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC), marriage woes can be due to personality differences, frequent quarrels and a lack of communication. Of course, there can be other factors such as friction with in-laws, financial pressures, lack of time spent together or infidelity, and most likely, stem from lack of communication. Thus, many marriage recovery processes tend to focus heavily on improving communication and rebuilding faithfulness.
The ABC Of Infidelity
According to statistics, men are 80 per cent more likely to engage in an affair. However, recent reports show that close to 50 per cent of divorce cases today involve unfaithful wives. Also, there are varying types and degrees of infidelity:
- cyber; online infidelity
- emotional; when one is emotionally dependent on another
- object; the affair is almost like a habitual tendency
- sexual; sexual relationship that may or may not involve emotions
- combination; affair that combines any of the above
Once the cat is out of the bag, there will be feelings of shock, emotional trauma, anger, grief and hopelessness while the other partner may experience guilt and shame. There are typically three phases to this roller-coaster hell ride:
- Discovery: Both partners struggle to accept the situation
- Clarification: Both work out the cause(s) of the infidelity and getting a therapist to help can be beneficial
- Addressing the issue: Both rebuild the marriage and address the root of their marriage discontentment
Many would swear that the marriage is over by now., But divorce is more complicated than it seems, especially if there are children involved. Finding out that your spouse has an adultery won’t make you stop loving him. That’s why, there are programmes to help couples rebuild their marriage and address the pain of the betrayal are crucial to iron out the issues.