Kids say the most random things. Sometimes they burst forth with hilarious comments that will entertain us for years to come. But more often than not, as these folks on Reddit have shared, kiddos have the ability to create severely awkward situations for their parents with cringeworthy comments at the drop of a hat. Here are some of them:
#1 The punchline
“My oldest daughter and I used to run away from my wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her, ‘What do you wanna do now that Mum can’t stop us?’
She exclaimed loudly, near others, ‘We can punch a stranger’!” —Openletter8
#2 Smelly secondhand embarrassment
“I was carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted ‘HE FARTED!’ at every single table. In case there was any confusion, she was also pointing at my face.” –Flippenzee
#3 At least there’s a happy ending!
“There is a man with no arms who lives in our village, we’ll call him Mr M. His children attended my son’s nursery school, so he has met him many times.
We were in a packed waiting room at the doctor’s one day when Mr M came in.
Son (at full volume): Look mummy! There’s Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing]
At this point, the entire waiting room has turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying not to look while similarly avoiding eye contact with me, and the ‘disrespectful small child’ who draws attention to people’s disabilities.
Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don’t we?
Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day… (oh gosh what is coming next….) he drives his car with his feet! (Please don’t say more…) He is totally awesome!
To which I heave a massive sigh of relief before replying: Yeah dude, he really is!” —RainingBlood398
#4 Straight outta his mind
“After his little sister was born, my toddler announced to the parking garage that she, “came out of mommy’s magina!” So that was nice …” —Boneandbrine
#5 It’s perfectly natural
“I was out shopping with my four-year-old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him ‘let go, hands off dude’ and he yells at the top of his lungs, ‘BUT MAMA MY PENIS WON’T GO DOWN!’ I don’t think I’ve ever left any store so fast.” —BadHorse042
#6 It’s not what you think it is!
“At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the ’N word’.
(The N word was nipple)” —GaijinSama
#7 Thanks a lot, buddy!
My wife brought my three-year-old to the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer, so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags, etc. and he wanted to help.
He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife tells him to leave those to her (she wasn’t going to pick them up, but didn’t want him to touch them either).
A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mum, ‘I’m finding cigarettes for mummy.’
My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from nearby parents who heard this.” —Thisguysciences
#8 Awkward much?
“My friend’s kid once asked his mom’s female friend where her boobs were. The friend had much smaller breasts than his mom. That was certainly awkward for everyone present.” —Diplomat_smurf
#9 When mummy drinks all the time
“I was with a group of friends, and was asked if I drink. I said that I didn’t really, but my daughter said, “but mum, you drink all the time.” She had no idea of the difference between drinking alcohol and drinking everything else.” —TishraDR
#10 You need a shower, pronto!
“My three-year-old and I were at my mum’s house. To get her to leave in a good mood, I told her, ‘C’mon we have to go home and take a shower because our bums are stinky!’
Later on, we were in a full elevator heading up to our apartment when my daughter turns to me and says, ‘Mum you need to shower because your bum is stinky.’ I was mortified.” —Mmartinho94
#11 The dad that returned from the dead
“Not really embarrassing, but my son once announced to his daycare that I had died. I think he cried too, just to underscore the point. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up—the staff were very distraught.” —AngryZen_Ingress
All entries have been edited for length and/or clarity.